


I See You

by IsabellaJack



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Bucky Barnes, Awesome Peggy Carter, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Like angry at everyone, Misunderstandings, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:18:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7805050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsabellaJack/pseuds/IsabellaJack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes looks at all the students milling around in the University’s library lobby and comes to the same conclusion.</p>
<p>He hates them all.</p>
<p>Every. Last. One. Of. Them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [[授權翻譯] I See You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9331910) by [HD2_0](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HD2_0/pseuds/HD2_0)



> I'm trying to write a bit differently here. I've had it written for a while. It's kinda lighter than my other fics.  
> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it :)
> 
> Here's a photoset that I created for this fic ;)

 

 

Bucky Barnes looks at all the students milling around in the University’s library lobby and comes to the same conclusion.

 

He hates them all.

 

Every. Last. One. Of. Them.

 

He huffs at their naivety, their superficiality, their gossiping, even their exaggerated laughter and loud greetings.

 

He stands behind the counter and waits for any intelligent enough student to ring their books. The only thing interesting enough in this part-time job on campus is going through the titles people pick. Granted, most of them are bound by their research papers but nonetheless it’s still fun. Amusing if you must know.

 

The saying ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ is the stupidest thing Bucky has ever heard! Because it’s darn apparent with everyone he meets here.

 

They’re all snobs. And they certainly look down on people. Especially people like him.

 

Ever since he lost his left arm in a car accident caused by a damned drunk driver, people have changed around him.

 

They treat him as if he were an outcast. An outsider. An alien. Someone who should be left alone. Like really alone. Then "One Armed Guy" or "Frankenstein" (which doesn't make sense! And kinda lazy if you ask Bucky) are hurled his way whenever he walks across campus. Some pause around, trying to act normal while secretly glancing at his missing arm. The empty sleeve. Or worse, when they pity him by offering to pick up his books or opening doors for him.

 

Oh, how he abhors that.

 

So, he changed.

 

It seems such a long time ago when he was the joyful, optimistic and highly-spirited Bucky Barnes. Grumpy, pessimistic and angry Bucky Barnes is all that he is now.

 

And he’s damn proud of what he’s become and got no reason to change.

 

As a result, well, people started not to interact with him in any way, avoid him at all cost, and that was the sweetest reward. He doesn't want the headaches to be honest. It's freeing this way.

 

Now, Bucky's usual day consists of: Waking up, glaring at the sun, then heading out to class. After finishing his classes, he goes back to change and then heads out to the University’s library to carry out his on-campus job. Aside from needing the money, the only other reason Bucky took the job is the company of books.

 

Books only.

 

Except when he spots _her_.

 

Whenever he sees her in her blue heels, coming his way, he lets out a genuine smile. The stark red lipstick always decorating her beautifully-shaped lips brings a breath of fresh air to his grim day.

 

Peggy Carter. The only decent person there is on campus.

 

He likes that girl because she tells it like it is.

 

The first time they met, he was frowning and almost snarling at everyone as he gave the books to one student when Peggy stood tall in front of him, hands over her hips.

 

“Cheer up ol’ chap. You’re certainly not the first to lose an arm, you know.”

 

That was the first thing she ever said to him and for the first time since the accident, he smiled and then laughed. Heartily.

 

And ever since then, Bucky counts the days to see her. She might be the only friend he’d ever had during his years in college. They’re not the type of friends who hang out. Certainly not! They just pick up where they left off as soon as they meet at the counter.

 

He doesn’t want to change that at all, thank you very much.

 

And today, when Bucky sees Peggy-in her blue heels again-he smiles widely he feels like he’s going to scare off his co-workers.

 

But then his smile falters when he sees who’s walking beside her, head buried in his cell phone.

 

Steve-FUCKING-Rogers.

 

Bucky hates him so much he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

 

The star of the baseball team. The golden boy. The humanitarian. The compassionate volunteer. The handsome guy girls-and even boys-go gaga over. And the fucking guy who doesn’t even look his way when he borrows a book.

 

One time when he saw that Bucky was the one behind the counter, he made a beeline for his other co-worker. Bucky couldn’t stop the hurt he felt.

 

Was he _that_ disgusting?

 

It’s funny how different his feelings have changed toward the star of the whole university. He used to actually have a crush on the guy.

 

Like a really bad crush on Steven-FUCKING-Rogers. Like a crush where Bucky can't breathe thinking about the guy. That kinda crush!

 

Bucky used to go to all the baseball games just to catch a glimpse of the guy playing and cheer him on. In reality, he doesn’t understand that sport and is not a fan really.

 

He’s never talked to the guy because he never had the courage to do so. He's even sure Steve Rogers doesn't know he exists. And if it were some other time, like before the accident, and he was standing behind the counter, Bucky would _maybe_ try to talk to him. Maybe.

 

Bucky even signed up for a class once, ‘The Arts past and present’, just because he heard that Steve Rogers was taking it. And Bucky is an engineering major! He would sit in the back and just marvel at how Steve gets into heated debates with the professor within the content of the course and sometimes about issues that had nothing to do with their class.

 

Every time Bucky remembers that time…He shudders. It was pathetic in every sense of the word.

 

Because here’s the thing.

 

Steve Rogers is a snob too.

 

He looks down on Bucky, that’s for sure, especially after Bucky got famous throughout campus as the "One Armed Guy". That is if his eyes actually lay on Bucky. One time, Bucky stared at him just to spite him from the moment he entered the library until he reached the elevators. Just to see if he’d turn his way.

 

The fucker didn’t.

 

He had the audacity one time to quickly avert his eyes when Bucky caught him staring at his missing arm, turn really cold and stoic and head to the student next to Bucky.

 

So that’s why he hates the guy. He hates Steve Rogers. Because Bucky thought he was this amazing, thoughtful person and he was wrong. Steve was like everyone else…alienating Bucky at every chance.

 

Yet, Bucky curses his heart because it would still thud against his chest every fucking time he lays eyes on the golden boy.

 

Like now.

 

Peggy is heading toward Bucky, a magnificent smile on her face with Steve-FUCKING-Rogers tagging along.

 

Bucky loves his interaction with her. He thinks she’s the only intelligent person on campus. And Steve tagging along with her today is not going to ruin it for him. No, it won't!

 

“Hey, English Rose,” Bucky greets her, a friendly smile on his face.

 

“Call me that again James and I’ll rip off your other arm,” She says as she hands over three books to him.

 

He laughs in spite of himself. He loves that she doesn’t tread around him. His eyes observe how Steve’s fingers has stilled on his phone when she made her bold comment.

 

“Well. Stop calling me James. It’s Bucky.”

 

She leans over, supporting her elbows on the desk as he logs in the books and stamps each one. She smiles and winks. “Well, I’m English. I’m all about propriety.”

 

He raises his hand. “I rest my case.”

 

And he smiles back at her. He reads the titles. “You taking Greek Mythology?”

 

She shakes her head and leans back and he notices Steve stepping behind her, head still buried in his fucking phone.

 

Bucky’s treacherous heart is pleading for him. _Just look up. For once in your life. Look my way._

 

Then Bucky crushes that voice of desperation and hopelessness in an instant, and brings resentment as a replacement.

 

“Nope,” Peggy answers. "I just want to reread it. I love those Greek Gods.”

 

“What’s your favorite myth?” He asks her, really interested.

 

“Hmm. I think it’s Psyche and Eros.”

 

He whistles and widens his eyes. “No fuckin’ way. You? Peggy Carter?”

 

“What?” She acts affronted. “You think I’m not a romantic, James?”

 

He gives her back all three books. “It’s not that. There’s nothing remotely romantic about that story.”

 

She raises one brow. “Come on. Even Grumpy James can’t deny the purity of their love. Granted, the events were tragically spun-”

 

Bucky huffed in annoyance. “Please. You call that love? He practically loved her in the dark. He didn’t have the courage to show himself. His face!”

 

“Well, he couldn’t. He—“

 

“Please. Spare me. That’s cowardice at its best.”

 

“That is certainly not. There’s an element of...Steve, help me out here.”

 

And Bucky freezes. He didn’t expect her to invite him into their conversation.

 

Steve just glances her way and then goes back to his phone. “Hmm?”

 

“Don’t you think Eros truly loved Psyche?”

 

“Uh…” Steve frowns at something in his phone, then says, “Pegs, I gotta go. Practice.”

 

And then he’s off. And part of Bucky is disappointed that he had left like that. It’s like he couldn’t wait to leave.

 

Bucky blurts, voice full of disdain, “Some boyfriend you got there.”

 

She furrows her brows. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

 

That surprises him. He has seen them several times on campus and even in the lobby of the library. From afar. And they are always attached at the hip. Even at the games. She would be the first to jump into his arms after a huge win. 

 

He smiles though. “Good. I'm glad.” That hugely built golden boy doesn't deserve the amazingly awesome Peggy Carter.

 

She leans over, books tucked to her chest. “Why? Are you interested James?”

 

He drums the counter with his one hand and smirks. “Honey, if I were interested in women, I’d have snatched ya up by now.”

 

“I wasn’t talking about me.”

 

Bucky is flummoxed. He doesn’t know what to say. He has never stammered with Peggy Carter before. If anything, together, they were quite the conversationalists.

 

He can’t escape her eyes but at the same time he just stares at her. He feels his ears go red. Seconds go by and then she chuckles softly, winks his way and then leaves.

 

“I bid you good day James.”

 

His mind is replaying the whole thing. Surely she doesn’t suspect…No! He doesn’t make googly eyes at Steve-FUCKING-Rogers anymore.

 

He turns around, huffing a breath when he jerks back at the piercing green eyes.

 

The silent co-worker is back. Another annoying student on campus who, unfortunately, works with him on some days.

 

Can't he get a break!

 

The red-haired Russian exchange student Romanoff (she likes to be called by her last name) or as she's called on campus 'Femme Fatale' is standing next to him, hip to the counter and arms crossed over her chest. She's chewing a gum in a very obnoxious way and she looks condescending.

 

For as long as he has worked beside her, she's never uttered any word. He knows for sure she's not a mute. Bucky thought at first that she was a recluse. However, one time, he saw her with her boyfriend once. It was disgusting the way she paraded and made out with that fucker Clint Barton.

 

Another annoyingly popular kid on campus.

 

"What?" He asks her flatly.

 

She just keeps staring at him, clicking her chewing gum and then blowing one big bubble. And Bucky frowns at her as the bubble gets bigger and bigger, almost covering her face. She pops it and then raises her brow at him.

 

_Is she challenging me for a ... Gum off?_

 

And then she sighs, shrugs and then leaves.

 

"I hate this fuckin school!" Bucky says angrily under his breath.

 

  
 


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

The following week, on a Friday, Bucky takes the night shift. He has never covered that shift but they called him saying the kid who was supposed to take it was sick. None of the others wanted to cover it since it’s weekend and all.

 

Bucky agreed. He was free. No friends. No hangouts. No parties. He enjoys solitude and he took his homework with him.   


After finishing it, he sets it aside and pulls out his book of the week. He smiles as he opens it to read where he left of. He sits back on the chair behind the counter. It's his favorite hobby. It’s a bliss since everybody has started leaving. Even those who were just hanging around in the lobby have left already.

 

Hours go by before his reading is disturbed by someone literally running his way inside the library. A breathless laughter reaches him and he looks up from his book. He freezes as he knows that back very well.

 

It’s Steve Rogers.

 

Bucky watches as Steve turns around laughing but stopping mid-way when he sees Bucky is behind the counter. Bucky fumes when he sees the laughter leaving Steve’s face.

 

It’s like he equates Bucky’s existence with horror.

 

Bucky stares at him though, just to make him uncomfortable, which he succeeds at because Steve stands where he is, fidgeting in the middle of the lobby. Bucky notices how Steve can’t make up his mind whether to leave or not.

 

Fuck him!

 

He goes back to reading even though he finds himself stuck on the same damn sentence. Then he hears the soft cursing.

 

“Shit! Shit!”

 

And when he looks up, he sees Steve running-literally running-toward him.

 

“You gotta help me,” Steve asks breathless as he frantically looks back toward the glass doors.

 

Bucky’s body tenses. Steve is actually slightly panicking. Part of Bucky is kinda relishing in the fact that he is going to come to rescue.

 

_Maybe he’ll notice now._

 

He closes his book. “Are you in trouble? Should I call the cops?” Then he finds himself softly asking, “You hurt?”

 

He looks him over but Steve looks fine.

 

Steve stills. “Uh no, no. It’s not like that. It’s just…my friends are being jerks right now chasing me and-”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Bucky almost shouts. Of course. Typical antics of frat boys. And Bucky Barnes will not be involved if his life depended on it. Who knows? They may be playing a joke on him.

 

Steve flinches a bit at Bucky’s tone. “Well, no. I thought you’d help out. I'm gonna hide but don't tell-“

 

Bucky levels him with a cold look. “I don’t have time for you and your fraternity bullshit.”

 

“I’m not in a fraternity!” Steve says hotly as he looks back again, checking.

 

Bucky slams the counter loudly with his book. “Listen pal. You’re not supposed to be here, the security guard will show up in thirty minutes. No one-“

 

“You’re the one who wasn’t supposed to be here. It’s not your shift!”

 

Bucky freezes as he stares at him. My shift? What the hell? Why would Steve-fucking-Rogers know the shifts?

 

Then it dawns on him and he bites the inside of his cheek. It’s obvious. It’s so he could avoid him. The fucker!

 

“Just fuck off Rogers," Bucky says and looks away.

 

“Listen, Tony challenged me to a poker game and I just won fair and square. It's not a joke. Look," and Steve pulls out two rolls of money and chips out of his pockets. "They couldn’t handle me winning 'cause it's my first time ever playing. And technically it's not my problem that their pride couldn't handle it. That'll teach them for not taking me seriously. They wanna lock me up-oh shit!”

 

And Bucky turns right to see from the glass walls three silhouettes running around. He can’t make their faces but it’s clear they’re definitely heading toward the library.

 

“What the fu—“ Bucky exclaims as Steve shoves him aside and hides under the counter.

 

“Please!” And Steve crouches, hiding near Bucky’s feet.

 

Bucky tries not to think about the fact that Steve Rogers is at an eye-level and at a very close proximity to his junk.

 

Damn this night! And damn his luck!

 

_Why did I have to take this shift?_

 

It’s only when he’s able to identify the three that he is determined to fucking send them on a wild-goose chase.

 

Tony Stark-jackass extraordinaire-saunters his way in, drunk off his ass, followed by the annoyingly calm Sam Wilson and popular flirt Clint Barton.

 

Bucky leans with his elbow and pretends to read his book. His breath hitches a bit when his feet touched Steve’s folded legs as he moved a bit. He pretends he’s engrossed with the book while his ears are strained to follow their movements.

 

“Hey you!”

 

Bucky doesn’t flinch or raise his head.

 

“You, Grumpy Grandpa!”

 

“Jesus, Tony…” Either Sam or Clint mutters that but Bucky’s eyes are still glued to the book, making sure that his posture spoke volumes of how nonchalant he was. Very dismissive. He’s an expert in that area.

 

One of them is snapping his fingers in front of his eyesight. Bucky sighs as he closes his book. When he looks up, it’s Tony Stark. The other two are standing behind him, but at a reasonable distance.

 

Bucky decides to call them The Three Stooges in his head. It will make all of this much easier.

 

“Can I help you? I should inform you that the library is gonna close in twenty minutes.”

 

Stark looks around, gum snapping and cracking in his mouth. What is it with gums around him? How is he doing it effortlessly while drunk?

 

He waves his hand around. “Have you seen Steve? Did he come in here?”

 

Bucky composes himself in time when he feels Steve hold on to his right leg, squeezing. He tries not to hyperventilate. _It’s not gonna happen, damn it! Not in front of Tony Stark._

 

“Steve who?” Bucky asks, indifferent.

 

“Steve Rogers. He must’ve come here?” He articulates well for a drunk.

 

And Bucky couldn’t help himself. “What does he look like?”

 

In seconds Stark and the other two laugh out loud.

 

When Bucky doesn’t bat an eye, the Three Stooges stop laughing when they see his indifferent reaction. Stark sways and then says, “Oh, um well, that’s a first.”

 

Romanoff’s boy interjects, “Blond hair, well-built, green t-shirt-“

 

“Oh yeah," Bucky starts. He feels the hand on his leg squeezes. Jesus, he should stop that. He won't rat him out. "He came in-no actually, ran his way in.”

 

“Yes! I knew it.” Stark turns around to his friends and points to himself in pride.

 

Bucky nods his head toward the elevators. “He ran to the elevators. Went up.”

 

All three of them run there and when they’ve pushed the button, Bucky couldn’t help but add, “He asked about which floor was the quietest, and I told him it’s the fifth one. Always quiet.”

 

_That'll give Steve time._

 

“Thanks Grumpy.”

 

Bucky really wants to throw the book at Stark. But at the same time he tries not to smile at what he just did to them, not until they disappear. “Fuckers,” he mutters under his breath.

 

When he makes sure the elevator closes, he takes a deep breath and moves aside. His heart betrays him as it skips a beat when he peeks under the counter. “You can come out now.”

 

Steve crawls from under there and Bucky can’t help but feel sorry for the dude. Childish behavior. What the fuck? And who the fuck plays poker in college? Bucky will never understand.

 

“Thanks," Steve says as he wipes his hands on his jeans. "I wasn’t sure you’d…” and he waves his hand around, lost for words.

 

Bucky snorts. “Relax. I didn’t do it for you. I just hate Stark.”

 

Steve mumbles, “You hate everybody.”

 

“Excuse me?” Bucky asks, not sure of what he has heard, but then Steve’s face reddens. He fidgets around, and Bucky goes back to sitting on his chair and opens his book, trying to regulate his heartbeats. _Can humans do that? For real? I should google it._

 

His ears are ringing as he senses that Steve is still standing there. Hovering around.

 

After five minutes, Bucky realizes he's not cut out for this shit.

 

He turns to him quickly causing Steve to step back, hand gripping the side of the marble counter. “You should get 'atta here before they come back. Wasn’t that your plan? Escaping them?”

 

“Well, yeah but…" Steve scratches the side of his head then looks back at Bucky, smiling timidly. "So, you’re in engineering?” he asks with an innocent look.

 

Bucky looks at him incredulously. He can’t believe this guy. “Buddy, you don’t have to make small talk. You don’t owe me anything.”

 

Steve looks embarrassed, his cheeks reddening. “It’s not that, I just wanted…”

 

Bucky stands up and points his finger at Steve. “If you insist on paying back or returning the favor, just leave now. Leave me alone.”

 

He is surprised to find himself moving closely toward Steve, who is standing his ground. For the first time ever Steve is looking at him.

 

Staring.

 

So much for making a statement. Bucky gulps and tries to hold it together. He feels his cheeks heat up but he doesn’t want to be the one to back off.

 

But those baby blues are looking at him. Reverently.

 

Both of them jolt back when they hear the ding of the elevators. Steve quickly pushes Bucky back and hides under the counter again. Same position.

 

Bucky curses softly and schools his facial expressions as Stark, Clint and Sam jump out of the elevators. Stark almost slips, crashing into Clint who falls laughing. Sam is looking around, searching.

 

_When is this gonna end?_

 

He rearranges the stuff on the counter, pens and some papers, and turns to grab his backpack. He makes sure he doesn't move for Steve's sake. As he opens it to put his book back, Stark approaches him.

 

“So…we couldn’t find our golden retriever.” Stark hiccups loudly then laughs.

 

Bucky tries not to snap. “And?”

 

“He must’ve headed out, passed you by when we—“

 

“Listen pal." Bucky has had enough. He wants to go back to his dorm and he wants Steve to not be close to him at the moment. "I don’t have the time for your shit. We’re closing up soon. Security is gonna be here and I gotta go.”

 

He feels Steve’s hand grab his leg again. It’s a reminder he thinks. Or comfort? He takes two deep breaths and Stark puts his hands up. “Woah Grumpy Grandpa is angry…Gotta change the name now. I have to be creative...hmm...”

 

The pressure on his leg increases and Bucky doesn’t want to make them suspect anything. Sam interferes and Bucky guesses he is the sound one of the group. “He’s probably back in our dorm right now."

 

Bucky zips his bag closed and leaves it on the counter, next to him. Apparently Stark wants a staring contest. Bucky gives him that. Give it his all.

 

He stares back at him.

 

Then Stark squints his eyes. “Do I know you?”

 

_God help me!_

 

“No.”

 

Stark shakes his head. “No, I swear I’ve seen you more than I care—“

 

“Tony,” Clint starts as he grabs Stark’s arm. “Come on.” His face looks serious all of a sudden.

 

“No, hold on." Stark hiccups again then points at Bucky. "I swear I know you.”

 

Steve’s hand leaves his leg as if burned and Bucky breathes a sigh of relief.

 

Sam clears his throat. “Sorry for the bother. Come on Tony.”

 

Then Stark snaps his fingers at Bucky for the second time that night. “Aha! You’re Steve’s muse.”

 

Bucky frowns. Muse? What the even? Stark must be really drunk. But when Bucky looks at the other two guys, they're totally avoiding looking his way. 

 

Wait...

 

“Tony!” Sam says sternly and he grabs Stark’s arm but the spoiled brat breaks away and steps closer to Bucky who chooses not to move. His heart though. His heart is slowly picking up speed.

 

_Muse?_

 

“Yeah. I’ve seen you in all his works. Sketchbooks, paintings, even doodles...canvases all around of your very well-structured face...when do you sit for him ‘cause for the life of me I never see you two hanging out together and let’s be honest. I’m one of his closest friends. I see him everyday…”

 

Sketchbooks? Paintings? 

 

_Breathe, Bucky. Just breathe._

 

Clint steps between them, his back to Bucky. He hisses, “Let’s go! You’re so drunk.”

 

“I am most certainly not! What the hell guys? Come on…”

 

“No, let’s go,” Sam says and makes sure Clint has Stark. Sam then turns to Bucky. “Sorry. We’ll get out of your hair.”

 

Yup, he’s the sound one.

 

Bucky can’t say anything. He’s still stuck on what Stark has said. Was he talking about the same Steve? Steve Rogers? Since when Steve was a…

 

Oh shit! He remembers now. Steve is majoring in arts.

 

But…

 

He feels his skin heats at the idea. His breath leaves him at the realization.

 

Steve has been watching all along. Seeing him all along.

 

When he sees the three leave, he waits for five more minutes, heart in his throat. The man in question is under him. 

 

And he has heard everything.

 

Bucky gulps and moves aside but doesn’t have to tell him to come out. Bucky fears that the guy won't. Yet, Steve slowly comes out from under there. His cheeks are red and there's a devastated look on his face. It's a look that Bucky has never thought he'd see on the golden boy’s face.

 

Bucky’s heart is breaking for Steve...and for himself. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

 

Steve doesn’t look his way. His eyes cast down but he wrings his hands together. Then he lets out a wet laugh and shakes his head. “For what it’s worth…Now I know what color your eyes are.”

 

And then he looks up brokenly at Bucky.

 

Fuck!

 

Bucky tries to say something, anything but words fail him. But Steve doesn't give him a chance. He brushes past him, and walks with hunched shoulders to the doors. He pauses on his way out, but doesn’t turn around. He opens the door with too much force and walks into the night.

 

Bucky can’t move from his spot. A shuddering breath leaves him.

 

What the hell just happened?

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this. Hope you enjoy the ending ;)

 

 

The next day is Saturday and Bucky finds himself in his room staring at the ceiling. He’s grateful it’s a one-student room. No annoying roommate.

 

He’s alone with so many thoughts crowding his head since last night. He only slept for three hours. And now he’s just lying on bed. All of last night’s events replay in his mind nonstop.

 

_What does it all mean?_

 

And every time he asks himself that question, he comes to the same conclusion. That Steve has a thing for him?

 

“But that really can’t be right!” he stresses to himself loudly.

 

He huffs and turns to lie on his left side. It’s uncomfortable but he got used to it a long time ago. He frowns, remembering and analyzing. He starts listing:

 

_Steve never_ looks _at me._

_But he said he knew it wasn’t my shift. How?  
_

_He wanted to talk...chat when those fuckers went upstairs  
_

_He stared back at me weirdly_

_He touched my leg…_

 

"No!"

 

His left stump hurt and he changes positions but then gives up. He sits up, stares out the window and this time he doesn’t glare at the sun.

 

He feels guilty. 

 

Of everything. Of how he's been behaving toward the sun, fellow students, toward his co-workers and especially toward Steve. Even if what Stark said still doesn't make sense, Bucky realizes that Steve is actually nice. Toward him. He wasn't disgusted.

 

"But he wouldn't look my way...Urgh!" He holds his head in his hand. It's getting so confusing.

 

He feels lost. So lost.

 

"What should I do?" he whispers to himself, not realizing until later that tears have rolled down his cheeks.

 

~~

 

The rest of the weekend has been the worst so Bucky’s glad it’s Monday. He doesn’t glare at people around him. He walks to all his classes with his eyes cast down. He wants to disappear and somehow he feels small.

 

He’s never felt that way. Even when he first lost his arm.

 

A guy bumps into him running to class and he turns apologizing heartily. Bucky, strangely, doesn’t snap at him or frowns his way and finds himself saying, “It’s okay.”

 

The guy smiles back and salutes before turning back to get inside his classroom.

 

~~

 

That day, at the library, he keeps a look out for _him_.

 

Who’s he kidding? The guy probably won’t ever show his face, and who could blame him?

 

Bucky dreads standing there and working behind the counter. His eyes try not to look down there. His heart pangs with guilt. Then his hand touches the place where Steve had touched that night. That little spot on the counter. Looking around, his shoulders droop as there was no sign of him or Peggy.

 

_God!_

 

It’s not until Thursday that she pays him a visit.

 

It’s his last shift of the week. It’s in the afternoon and he freezes when he sees Peggy heading his way. For the first time ever, he doesn’t smile her way. In fact, he looks anywhere but her.

 

“Hello James." Her voice is softer than usual.

 

Bucky lifts his head up and gives her a very weak smile. He notices that her hands are empty. “I see you’re not here for books.”

 

She smiles genuinely. “No, I’m not. Do you mind if we talk a bit?”

 

His heart speeds up and he feels his cheeks reddening. “Uh, I’m working-“

 

“Darling," Peggy says to the student working next to him. "Do you mind covering for him. Just for ten minutes?” 

 

“Sure," the girl perkily answers. 

 

Bucky is baffled and Peggy ushers him to follow. He takes his backpack and walks with her. They walk side by side, heading for the bench in front of the library entrance. Several students keep glancing their way.

 

Peggy nudges his shoulder. “Take it all in James. You’re with Peggy Carter.”

 

He chuckles, grateful for the ice-breaker. She beams in triumph. When they sit, Peggy is on his left side and it jars him a bit. No one has ever chosen to sit to his left. Close to his stump. He stares at his shoes, his hand rubbing his knee.

 

“The story of Medusa is my favorite out of all Greek Mythology. She’s quite fascinating.”

 

Bucky turns to look at her and she turns his way, wiggling her brows. He smiles. “I knew it!”

 

She giggles. “And that is why I like you James. You were able to read me.”

 

He runs his hand through his hair. “Then why did you say…”

 

“Oh, I was trying to gauge your reaction which was perfect by the way, just to knock some sense into Steve.”

 

At that, he snaps his head toward her. “What do you mean?”

 

“Because what you said about Eros was the exact same thing I said to him.”

 

_Oh._

 

Can this get any weirder?

 

“When you lost your arm, around that year...”

 

“You mean when I became a household name?” 

 

“Exactly.” She winks his way and he can’t help but laugh.

 

“I was walking with Steve to his dorm and there were a bunch of guys who were talking about you and saying…awful things and he heard them." She inhales before she continues, "Let’s just say that it took Clint, Sam and myself to stop him. He punched a lot of noses that day.”

 

Bucky looks down, not really knowing what to say. His heart is thudding against his chest. His face must be red by now. 

 

When he finally composes himself, he mutters, “He doesn't even know me.”

 

“Back then, yes. But he doesn’t like bullies.”

 

Bucky taps his foot and tries to look up but can’t. He feels shy, embarrassed, and out of place. He tenses when Peggy touches what’s left of his arm. He turns to her, a vulnerable look on his face.

 

Her smile warms his heart. “He started going around asking about you and told me he wanted to befriend you. He didn’t know what you looked like.”

 

He smiles sadly. He’s been into this guy for years and he’s right. Steve never even knew who he was or what he looked like.

 

Peggy continues, “I was ecstatic because I had already became your number one girl at that time.”

 

He chuckles. “Yes, that you are.”

 

“So we walked to the library one day, and as soon as I pointed you out—we were sitting in the lounge—he stood up and stared your way for five minutes before running out. After I caught up with him, he told me that there was a valid reason for running away.”

 

“What’s that?” he asks softly, trying really hard not to sound eager and desperate to know.

 

“He turned to me and said, ‘he’s _too pretty_ Pegs.’”

 

Bucky holds his breath. He remembers those days. He was so angry, he still is, but he was worse back then. A frown would never leave his face.

 

And Steve said he was pretty. _Where did he see beauty exactly?_

 

Peggy laughs slightly. "Of course, instead of ... you know... acting like an adult and introducing himself, he spends most of his time sketching your _pretty_ face and pining. My God, the pining!"

 

Bucky can’t comprehend what he's hearing and turns away. He feels Peggy's hand reach and take hold of his chin. She turns his face her way and looks at him directly.

 

“Don’t be like that daft Eros.”

 

He blushes and thankfully she pulls away and stands. He looks up at her. “How did you…why would you think-“

 

“Your eyes whenever I came to chat with you. They would always seek out something behind me. And that heartbroken look you get whenever he beelines for the one next to you. You forget that he tags along with me most of the time.”

 

True. Most of the time, Steve would just hover far away, waiting for her to finish talking to Bucky. Sometimes he'd be sitting in the lounge, reading until she walks back to him.

 

She sighs when he looks away again. “You’re very transparent, James. At least to me.” She picks up her bag and before she leaves, she says,“He’ll be staying up all night today, catching up on his pieces. Studio 8, Art building. You’ll find him around midnight.”

 

And she leaves. Just like that.

 

She doesn’t know that he’s at a turning point in his life. Because of everything she just told him about Steve.

 

~~

 

When he returns to work behind the counter, he finds that the girl had left and in her place was Romanoff.

 

_Come on! I don't need this now._

 

He can feel her staring at him. That fucking gum of hers cracking in her mouth. He gives up and turns, sighing. "What?"

 

She levels him with a stern look. "I punched Tony Stark last Saturday. Six o'clock in the morning. I sneaked into their dorm and woke him up. Then punched him in the face." Her accent is heavy and she sounds like she's in military, giving a report.

 

"My boyfriend, Clint Barton, cleaned him up. According to him, there was a lot of blood." And she shrugs. Shrugs!

 

Bucky stares at her, bewildered. Since when was she on his side? Part of him is giddy at the thought of Stark getting punched but the other part of him is scared of what this woman can do.

 

_Femme Fatale._

 

"Um...thanks?" He says timidly.

 

She makes a big bubble and then pops it with her sharp nail. "I did not do it for you. I did it for Steve. He is a dear friend of mine."

 

Then Bucky looks at her as she leaves to receive some students.

 

_What is today? What is going on in the universe?_

 

~~

 

It's midnight and the Art building is quiet and Bucky breathes deeply.

 

_You can do this. Wasn’t that what you’ve always wanted, Buck?_

 

He’s not gonna raise his hopes up. He’ll apologize and see what happens.

 

Peggy is gonna kick his ass.

 

He walks through the hallways. It’s not difficult to navigate. He passes studio 6 and 7 and before reaching his destination, he waits. For the first time in a long time, he feels scared. His hand is shaking and he holds on to the stump on his left side. Seeking strength and that’s a first.

 

There’s a loud clank and something drops. “Shit! Damn it!”

 

Of course Bucky would have bad timing. Of course!

 

_Come on buck! You survived a car crash. You can survive this!_

 

3, 2, 1.

 

And he inhales as he turns right, entering the room.

 

He holds his breath for seconds. His eyes are assaulted by the colors, easels everywhere, canvases stacked or hung. Then his eyes find him. His heart stops for seconds. He’s very sure of that.

 

_How am I still standing up?_

 

There he is. Steve Rogers is standing up, trying to clean up his white tight t-shirt that is full of blue paint. He’s grimacing, pulling at it, trying to dry it with paper towels. Bucky wants to say something, announce his presence but nothing would come out.

 

He waits until...

 

Steve looks up and freezes as his eyes catches him. He seems to be speechless too.

 

They stare at each other.

 

Finally, Bucky waves weakly. “Hey.” His is voice barely audible.

 

“Bucky,” Steve breathes.

 

Bucky is surely dreaming because he never thought that Steve Rogers would ever utter his name and certainly not like _that_.

 

So he stupidly lets his mouth hang open.

 

Steve puts the soaked paper towels away. “What are you doing here?” he asks, eyes looking at his own paint-dirty hands.

 

Bucky swallows twice before he begins. “I came to apologize for two things.”

 

“Please, you don’t have-“

 

Bucky puts his hand up. “Let me, please.”

 

Steve nods and looks at his hands again. Bucky draws a breath. “I’m sorry I was a jerk to you that night. It was uncalled for. I’ve never wanted to be that way with you. Especially you.”

 

Steve looks up fast and it’s Bucky’s turn to look away but he continues, “I was never this way, you know. I guess…I lost myself these past few years. But maybe it’s time that I find myself again. Go back to what I-who I used to be and better.”

 

“Bucky…”

 

Bucky puts his hair behind his ear, nodding twice. “That’s not how I thought our first meeting would go.”

 

“Oh," Steve utters softly.

 

“And the second apology is…” Bucky looks up, smirking. “I’m sorry Stark is your friend.”

 

Steve chuckles, his cheeks reddening, as he points Bucky's way. “Good one.”

 

“I’m serious Steve. Worst of the worst!”

 

Steve tries not to laugh again and failing. “He was drunk. He apologized the next day.”

 

Somehow Bucky doesn’t think so. “Really?”

 

“Well, Clint had to remind him of what he did 'cause Nat punched him, so…”

 

Bucky nods. “There you go.”

 

Steve shakes his head, sighing. “If you knew him like I do-“

 

“I’m good, thanks.” Then he takes two steps to at least be in the middle of the room. “I wanna get to know _you_ instead.”

 

Steve stills then he shakes his head. “God, I’m so sorry. I swear I’m not a creep. I mean, Stark was right. You’re all over, but it’s not like that. I’m not obsessed or-“

 

“Steve,” he raises his hand as he takes two more steps. Somehow the genuine frustration on Steve encourages Bucky a bit. “Peggy told me.”

 

“Peggy…” Steve pales. “How much did she tell you?”

 

“Enough.” He smiles.

 

“Oh God!” Steve face-palms.

 

Bucky walks a bit toward him, hand reaching. “No Steve, the paint!”

 

Steve pulls his hand back and grimaces then looks horrified. Bucky grabs a new clean paper towel, placed on one of the desks. “Here.”

 

“Oh my God. Is it all over my face?”

 

Bucky purses his lips and narrows his eyes, trying really hard not to laugh. There is paint in the shape of a hand over his face. 

 

“Bucky!”

 

“You’re so...blue?”

 

“Damn it,” Steve huffs and he turns to wet the paper towel in a glass of water that was on the windowsill. He tries to wipe it and Bucky laughs and stops him by holding his hand back. “Oh God, just stop. You’re making it worse.”

 

Now it’s spread all over his chin, cheeks and upper lip. Bucky can’t help but stare there. The pinkness of Steve’s lips are barely peeking from under the stark blue paint.

 

“I swear I’m not a creep Bucky,” Steve says in a defeated manner. 

 

Bucky’s eyes find him and decides to spare him. He smiles and feels himself blush. “I signed up for a class just ‘cause you were taking it.”

 

The admission makes Steve stop cleaning his hands and the paper towel drops on the floor. It’s so quiet and Bucky can’t escape Steve’s eyes.

 

Funny how he used to crave them.

 

“Which one?”

 

“The Arts past and present.”

 

“But that’s…” Steve frowns.

 

“Yeah. Before this," Bucky supplies as he points at his missing left arm.

 

Steve deflates, smiles and shakes his head at Bucky. “I think we should start having open communication.”

 

Bucky tilts his head up, thinking. “Hmm. I’m up for that.”

 

“Good. And I’ll start by asking if I can-“

 

“Yes.” Bucky tries not to blush.

 

“You don’t even know what I was gonna ask.”

 

Bucky steps a bit toward him and feels his heart soaring. “I don’t care.”

 

Steve takes two steps and leans to plant a soft lingering kiss on Bucky’s lips.

 

Bucky gasps in shock but immediately recovers as he gently kisses back. The kiss is not deep. There's no tongue involved.  Just soft lips against each other, simple, soft and utterly romantic.

 

When Steve pulls back, he smiles. His eyes scan Bucky's face reverently. “I’ve drawn your lips so many times, I thought I knew how they tasted. I was wrong.”

 

Bucky is so sure his heart stopped and he's dead.

 

After seconds of gathering his wits and trying not to just attack Steve's mouth, he asks, “Verdict?”

 

Steve touches his own lips and hums. “They taste like paint.”

 

Bucky snickers and punches him in the shoulder. “Punk!”

 

“Jerk.”

 

They look at each other and Bucky huffs a laugh. "In light of open communication, do you wanna get something to eat or drink? I know it's late, but there's this diner that opens until three in the morning. We can hang out there. It's close to campus."

 

"Yes!" Steve says too excitedly and Bucky relishes in that. Steve flushes and then points at his t-shirt. "Gotta change into something first."

 

And Bucky decides on doing something very spontaneous. "No need. Here."

 

He takes off his hoodie and hands it to Steve. In a split second Bucky wonders if what he did was stupid. However, Steve smiles and raises his brow as he takes it from him. "Thanks."

 

He puts it on and thankfully it fits him. Bucky realizes that his left stump is visible through the short sleeved t-shirt.

 

But he doesn't care. He's not angry. Not anymore. And Steve's smile his way tells him that he's glad too.

 

"Just so you know Bucky," Steve starts as he turns off the lights, Bucky walking ahead of him. "I'm not giving it back to you."

 

"I'm fine with that." Bucky smirks as he opens the door of the building for him, waiting for him to pass.

 

Steve Rogers took his heart a long time ago...what's a hoodie, right?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a photoset done by the amazing [darlingstevie](http://darlingstevie.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are LOVE.
> 
> I'm here on [Tumblr](http://isabellajack.tumblr.com/)


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